I was always very fond of the thought of recording my life into a journal. Well, I guess this is pretty much it. A place to put my thoughts, photographs and my memories.
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Even though I am so over and done with you.. I just can’t help but feel like our love was just.. artificial.
I know there were times when we both knew we loved each other. But those times only took place in the beginning.. Then things just changed between us. And then the remainder of our relationship just ended up being us trying to regain those past feelings.
I loved you so much and even though a part of me knows you felt the same the other half of me just can’t forget the nights you left me to cry on my own. To have you just neglect me when I needed you the most.. I don’t think that I could ever forgive you for that.
And then after months and months of us not talking to each other.. you actually had the nerve to come and talk to me and asking me to be friends with you? Because YOU still NEEDED me? Really? I mean.. how could you..
I know that you’re not a bad person. I’ve never once ever seen you as a bad person. And I know that through your eyes I may seem like a bitch by rejecting your request for friendship. But honestly, I’d like to keep it that way. I want you to be happy and I feel like that’s never going to happen unless you view me in the most negative way as possible. We’re just better off without each other.. You don’t even need me as a friend. I mean.. we lived with out each other once.. what’s there to say that we can’t do it again?
My mind has been in a much happier state every since Morris and I stopped talking. I’ve also managed to realize that many people seem to judge me a lot by the personality that I choose to show them.
I mean, just because I show you a certain side of me doesn’t mean that “side” completely makes up the whole me. It’s only a portion of my personality, you can’t judge me from just that.
School has been rather hard for me to get through though. Managing two photography classes is a huge hassle and my English teacher is so strict omg.
You are freaking me out right now. Please don’t say what I think you’re going to say. I don’t want to hear it! I don’t want to hear it I don’t want to hear it I don’t want to hear it
I’m not ready for that shit right now okay? Please.. just no. Please don’t make it awkward between us right now okay?
So I’m just going to use his initials from now on since some of you may know him and shit.
So NP and I didn’t get a chance to really talk today during class since we were both too busy working. But I manage to grab the station right across from him! I got to see some of his photographs today. He’s rather shy about them because whenever I try to sneak a peak he always turns them over! But since I’m usually the one who dries the prints I was able to see his works. I think that he only lets people see his final prints, which is understandable.
To be honest, his pictures are amazing! He has a more of a street photographer style and the timing that is shown through his photographs is just exquisite.
I’m also getting to know this other guy who was in my class last semester lol. His name is Juan and he likes to take pictures of his girlfriend. And if I may say, she’s pretty hot. Every time he shows me his photographs of her I always have to comment on how hot she is and he always comes back at me with how he already claimed her LOL. That bitch.
To make up for that angryish post. Here’s a happy one!
I’m actually really happy. I actually feel like I’m finally starting to grow up. And I’m actually starting to realize as to whom I’m able to trust.
After how many years we have known each other.. and after the awkward way we ended up befriending each other.. I never would’ve guessed that we would end up becoming friends, up to the level we have reached at least. To be honest, I’ve haven’t had a friend like you in a long time.
I could practically lay anything on you whether it be good, bad or something so fucked up; you still wouldn’t judge me for it. I mean, you were always on my side, even back then when you shouldn’t have. But I guess I never realized how much until now.
It’s just funny how the moment when you moved x2349028340123 miles away for college, we ended up growing closer.
So hopefully you’ll come back and visit soon so you could get me hella drunk and I wouldn’t feel the need to fucking blog about every little fucking thing in my life.
I hate how I don’t have a fucking group of friends. I mean I do but they are all apart of different groups. And I don’t really have that one overall group. Does that even make sense?
Like I have a fucking party group, I have a fucking asian group, I have friends that I can talk to about sentimental things and there are the friends that I can talk to about real life shit.
It’s like I have all these different parts of me, all these different personalities that it’s hard for me to have a main group of friends.
All my friends fucking hate each other, I’m not even kidding. People just need to fucking break out of their cliques already holy shit.
